If French Bulldogs Could Text: 7 Messages Your French Bulldog Would Send You Today

French Bulldogs don’t need words to communicate, but if they suddenly learned how to text, your phone would never stop buzzing. Their personalities are equal parts clown, diva, and snuggle machine, so every message would feel like a mix of comedy and complaint. Here’s what your Frenchie would probably be sending you right now.

1. “Hey. Just so you know, I almost starved to death… 15 minutes ago.”

Breakfast was ages ago, and by “ages” your Frenchie means half an hour. The dramatic pause between bites is forgotten, and now you’re dealing with hunger theatrics worthy of an Oscar. Expect emojis of skulls, empty bowls, and maybe a single hotdog.

2. “Explain why the cat gets to sit there and I don’t.”

Your Frenchie has a doctorate in side eye. If the cat is lounging on the windowsill, your dog is positive this is a personal attack. Cue a text filled with angry chair emojis and a blurry selfie of them trying to wedge themselves into the blinds.

3. “Walk? Now? Please? Ok fine, I’ll just stare at you until you feel guilty.”

The leash is in plain sight, and your Frenchie is convinced you’re ignoring it. You’ll get a steady stream of messages: “walk???” “walk???” followed by a passive aggressive GIF of a dog dramatically sighing.

4. “You dropped food. I saw it. I ate it. I regret nothing.”

Frenchies are vacuum cleaners with legs. Even if it was a piece of lettuce, they’ll act like it was a Michelin starred meal. This text would be accompanied by a smug selfie with crumbs on their chin.

5. “Your spot on the couch is mine now. We can discuss visitation rights.”

If you get up for five seconds, they take over. The text comes with an attached photo of them sprawled like royalty, pretending to be deeply asleep so you won’t dare move them.

6. “I licked the air for no reason. Just thought you should know.”

Your Frenchie’s quirks would absolutely make it into their texting habits. Random updates about licking, snorting, or chasing their own tail would pop up like a live reality show you didn’t subscribe to.

7. “I love you. But also… is it dinner yet?”

Every heartfelt moment is quickly followed by food inquiries. Their love is real, but so is their obsession with kibble. You’ll get a mushy “ILY” text immediately followed by a photo of their empty food bowl.

French Bulldogs may never actually text, but if they could, your phone would be a nonstop stream of sass, affection, and snack related demands. Life with a Frenchie is basically living with a tiny furry comedian, and that’s why we love them.