Pondering about what to write in this week’s post, I thought: I know! I’ll write an article about what dogs REALLY want for Christmas. Deep from within my dusty, cobwebbed brain, a thought emerged, like smoke arising from smoldering embers. Have I ever written about that in the past?
Oh, she said, having checked previous blog articles, “Just last year!” And so I dismissed it as a topic, but couldn’t resist reading through what I’d written before. And changed my mind, because, 85%, I think it’s truly important, and 10%, I need the reminder myself and will use it to motivate myself to do better by my dogs, and 5%, I really love the way I wrote it up AND I am deep in the middle of working on revisions to my novel as suggested by my editor and can’t wait to get back to it. (Dear Santa, see how good I’m being, so honest and all?)
Here’s what I posted last December, with some tweaks and comments from me about how I’m going to ensure that my dogs get what they want for Christmas, and 2025. Please inspire us all by adding your own ideas in the comments!
Chew bones and tasty snacks are nice, but here is what I think our dogs really want for Christmas:
1. CLARITY: Our dogs are living with aliens–us. They may love us deeply, but they still spend much of their life confused. After all, dogs are living in a world in which we yell at them for eating poop, and then pick it up and hoard it ourselves. We have five synonyms for one command, change the rules day by day, and say one thing with our voices and something different with our bodies. The best gift you can give your dog is to spend some time during the holidays and ask yourself: How can I make life more clear, and thus easier, for my dogs? No matter how brilliant we are with our dogs, surely every one of us could pick one potential source of confusion and clear it up in the new year.
Mine: Put a sock in it, Trisha. I “talk” to Skip too much when he’s working. It probably just tires him out. (Note: Alert readers might recall I have mentioned this in the past. Please keep this to yourself lest I crumble with angst and embarrassment.)
2. OUR PATIENCE: What, you say you couldn’t find any of this at the store this season? And the cupboards are bare of patience at your house? Ah, but wait, I see some hiding in the back closet, just waiting for you to pull it out from behind those jeans that you can’t wear anymore. (The jeans that you can’t throw away because someday you’ll be able to wear them again? See? You ARE patient!) The fact is, we all can profit from valuing patience as a virtue. Patience that our Corgi still pulls socks out of the laundry even though we developed a brilliant training plan and followed it to the letter. Patience that our Great Dane insists on pooping in the middle of the driveway where our visitors always walk to enter the house. And, most challenging of all, patience with ourselves for being human, as in “To err is human, to forgive divine.”)
Mine: What, am I writing this article solely for myself? The woman who is the first to admit that Patience comes to visit but never likes to stay long? In truth, I can be super patient about some things–using the bucket game to teach Skip to let me squirt a nasty ointment into his eyes, or Maggie to have her nails dremeled. But dealing with Skip’s super strong “eye” that causes him to over flank when I desperately need him to get the sheep down the steep hill and into the barn when it’s raining and I’m tired and Maggie could do it in a microsecond? I’d give myself a B. Going for an A in 2025.) Yours?
3. A BALANCE OF PEACE AND EXHILARATION: Just like us, dogs need a balance of rest and stimulation. Of course, every dog needs a slightly different balance, but sleeping all day and night on the couch isn’t any better for dogs than it is for people (with exemptions for the elderly or the infirm). Being bored isn’t fun for anyone, and it’s not good for any animal who needs stimulation to keep the wheels of mind and body well greased. I’m not saying your dog needs to go to graduate school and get a degree in engineering. I am saying that dogs can get bored, just like you, by walking the same walk every day, doing the same thing every day, and never having to think about much of anything at all, except when the dinner bowl is going to get filled. At the same time, dogs need peace and quiet, a chance to refresh and lay down the confusions and complexities of living in a social system that often makes no sense. Lately I’ve seen an increasing number of dogs who I suspect are exhausted: Between agility and trick class and the dog park and doggie day care, the poor things need some time to just chill out. Being happy is often about finding the right balance, so ask yourself: How is the balance for you right now? How is it for your dog? Do you need to do some re-balancing?
Glory halleluyah, Skip and Maggie have it pretty good here. Working sheep, endless belly rubs on the couch at night, walks through our woods, walks off the farm, chew toys . . . And yet, I know that Skip would love to spend more time outside. He spent his first 3.5 years in Ireland and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t on someone’s couch. I think he would love more time to just be outside. I can work on that.
4. HELP LEARNING EMOTIONAL CONTROL: Dogs are like people–some come with an inherent ability to react to life’s challenges with calm, noble stability, while others bob around like a boat without an anchor. The latter is a far more common personality type, and just like us, most dogs need to learn to control their emotions lest they sink the ship. I remember watching a five-year old boy have a melt down in a restaurant because his mother cut his sandwich IN HALF instead of in quarters. He kept scream-sobbing “YOU CUT IT IN HALF!!!” and while we all watched with sympathy for his mother, and amusement at the extremity of his distress. We also remembered what it felt like to have your world destroyed because, well, someone cut your sandwich in half. (And it better be on the diagonal, just saying.) Children learn, as they mature, that frustration and fear and anger are all a part of living, and that they’ll find ways to cope with them and damp down their intensity. Dogs learn the same–or they don’t. I’ve seen dogs lose it, just like that little boy, when they were pulled away from a window, or prevented from running up to another dog. Dogs don’t scream-sob, at least not very often, but they do turn and bite when they are overwhelmed with frustration. Helping them learn to cope is a priceless gift that only we can give them.
Both Maggie and Skip do a great job with this. But sometimes I have the opposite problem sometimes with Skip when working sheep. He is so worried about making a mistake that sometimes he chooses not to choose. “I’ll just stand here and not do anything.” He came that way,and ever since I’ve been working hard to let him work on his own (a challenge, because of that strong eye and that weird neuro stuff he has going on). Finding the balance between letting him work on his own but not practicing bad habits will be my challenge til the end of our days.
5. PLAY. Silly, goofy moments of pure foolishness, with no pressure to perform and where absolutely nothing matters except having a good time. It’s true that not all dogs play in the way often we define it; Tootsie had no concept of object play at all, for example. But every once in a while she would tear around the yard in circles, after watching Willie do the same with a toy in his mouth. She looked overwhelmed with joyful abandon and finished by running up to me with her eyes sparkling and her face shining. Of course, none of us know what was going on inside her head at that time, but I’d bet a lot of money that it can be summed up as “Wheeeeeee!” Tootsie was a good reminder for us to define play loosely; just because a dog doesn’t play fetch doesn’t mean you can’t play together. There are so many games we can play with our dogs, like “Can you find the sausage I hid in the tree bark?” Tootsie and I, for example, used to go on Treasure Hunts, where we looked for the treats scattered in the grass or the snow. This year, metaphorically wrap up the present of play for your dog, and think about ways you can add some more games to the mix. You don’t need to buy anything, all you need is some creativity and the motivation to take the time. I’d write more, but it’s time to go play some more with the dogs…
Oh, lucky, lucky me! We have two dogs who love to play together, BUT I am always having to make adjustments. Maggie and Skip played tug together for years (which stopped Skip from freight-training into Maggie to stop her forward motion. S0 fun!–for Skip). I decided vigorous tug games are too much for Maggie’s almost 12 year old spinal column and hips. They play chase games some together, but Maggie especially misses having a toy in her mouth. She’ll stop and pick up the tiniest stick, and then Skip will try to grab onto it, it’ll break off in their mouths and I’ll imagine mouth-stick impalements . . . So, see below for my solution. It’s working great. How about you and your dog(s)?
Okay, village–your turn. Tell us your reactions to any and all of the above. Add your own ideas to the list. You know we all learn as much from your comments as we do from the post, right?
MEANWHILE, back on the farm: It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. At least, inside. Outside it’s a dull, dreary, soggy mess of grey and brown and orange and green grass that looks totally out of place. Unlike much of the country, I sure would love some snow.
As promised, here’s Skip and Maggie playing chase/tug/not tug with the two perfect toys I bought them. What’s extra fun is that the orange color is basically brown to them, and makes the toy literally invisible to Maggie when we play “find it” every day after I work Skip.
My Santa friends are back to gracing the dining room table, along with Rebecca the reindeer.
Two of my most extravagant and crazy purchases are the two Santas below, each with beards made of wool. I saw them in a friend’s gift shop, and for some reason they called to me. We drove away without buying either, but I couldn’t get them out of my head for a week. First, should I even buy one? So expensive for such useless things. But, if I bought one, which one? Next thing you know, they both came home with us a few days later.
I call the guy below The John Lennon Santa. You can’t see them well, but he wears rimless glasses, a la Lennon.
Below is a detail of our tree, which was knocked over the night after I put all the decorations up. I suspect that Skip tried to investigate the back of it and knocked it over. Two very special ones from Jim’s mom broke and I got all sad about it because they are irreplaceable, but life goes on and no one is bombing my house or threatening my children, so I got a grip on it, just grieved for all we lose when our dear loved ones pass on.
That’s it for me for 2024, I’ll write next in early January. May your holiday times feel joyous, and warm, and loving, and restful, and fun, and relaxing . . . Does anyone else feel like the expectations of this season feel a bit, uh, unrealistic? Burdensome even? How about this: May you and your dogs be as healthy as possible, may you get some rest and relaxation, may you see some dear friends and family, may you find exactly what you want to watch on Netflix, and may you get your refrigerator cleaned out before that thing in the back evolves into a leading character in a horror movie.
Warmest wishes,
Trisha, Jim, Maggie, and Skip
English (US) · 