If Labrador Retrievers Could Text: 7 Messages Your Labrador Retriever Would Send You Today

Labradors have mastered the art of soulful eyes and wagging tails, but if they could send text messages, your phone would never stop buzzing. Here’s a sneak peek at what your Labrador’s inbox might look like.

1. “Hey… so… you left the fridge door closed again.”

Your Lab knows where the cheese lives, and he’s politely (but firmly) reminding you of this fact. In his mind, the fridge is basically a treasure chest, and you’re the stingy pirate captain refusing to share.

2. “Quick question: do naps count as cardio?”

After zoomies around the yard, your Lab collapses dramatically on the floor and decides this is enough physical activity for one lifetime. Of course, he texts you to confirm that science is on his side.

3. “I tried to catch the squirrel. The squirrel filed a restraining order.”

Every walk is a courtroom drama starring your Labrador as the overly enthusiastic pursuer of all things fluffy. He would absolutely keep you updated on every failed attempt.

4. “The neighbor’s grill smells suspiciously like betrayal.”

Your Lab doesn’t understand why you aren’t storming the neighbor’s yard to reclaim what is rightfully his. Steak. Expect a steady stream of outraged texts anytime someone nearby cooks outside.

5. “We need to talk about the vacuum. Again.”

Labradors are brave souls, but vacuums? Those are clearly possessed machines designed to end all joy. You’d receive long, dramatic texts demanding emotional support during every cleaning session.

6. “Don’t freak out, but I might’ve licked the baby’s popsicle.”

Labs have zero guilt and one hundred percent charm. He’ll frame his snack theft as an “oopsie” while you’re left chasing sticky pawprints across the carpet.

7. “Just wondering… do you still love me? Reply with steak.”

Labs don’t need much in life. Just reassurance, affection, and meat. And if you don’t text back fast enough, you can expect follow-up messages filled with paw emojis and passive-aggressive drool.

Labrador Retrievers might not have thumbs for texting, but if they did, their messages would be equal parts hilarious, needy, and impossible to ignore.