6 days ago
13
There is no creature on earth with a poker face as bad as a pit bull. They can love you fiercely while simultaneously side-eyeing your life choices. If you’ve ever wondered whether your dog silently critiques your behavior, the answer is yes. And if you do any of the following, it’s a definite yes.
1. Calling Them “Sweet Baby” in Public
Sure, they’ll tolerate it. But deep down, your pit bull knows they’re a 65-pound beast with muscles in places you don’t even have places. You’re blowing their street cred, and they’ll be sure to repay you with selective hearing later.
2. Pretending Not to Notice the Drool
That rope of drool hanging from their jowls? You saw it. You know it’s there. Yet you’re ignoring it like you’re above wiping it away. Your pit bull is making a mental note: slobber retaliation during your next Zoom call.
3. Singing the “Made-Up” Song About Them
Yes, you wrote lyrics about your dog to the tune of a bad pop hit. Yes, you sing it at full volume. Your pit bull is aware this is peak human weirdness but will accept it… with visible discomfort.
4. Giving Them a “Cute” Nickname Around Other Dogs
Calling them “Snuggle Muffin” at the dog park is the canine equivalent of your mom yelling “Pumpkin!” across a high school hallway. They’ll never forgive you.
5. Eating Pizza Without Sharing
You think your pit bull doesn’t notice the pizza box on the counter. You think wrong. They’re studying you like you just violated an ancient pact. Next time you find your favorite shoes chewed, remember the pepperoni you didn’t share.
6. Using the Baby Voice for Too Long
A few seconds? Adorable. Three minutes straight? Now you’re testing their patience. Somewhere in their brain, they’re wondering if this is how you speak to all your friends.
7. Dancing in the Kitchen While Cooking
Dogs live for your attention, but your pit bull draws the line at you attempting to shimmy while flipping pancakes. They’ll watch, yes. They’ll even wag their tail. But the judgment is deep.
Pit bulls may be loyal to the core, but they also keep receipts. Love them, feed them, respect their dignity, and they’ll overlook most of your quirks. Just… maybe not the dancing.
English (US) · 